Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
