Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
