I can tuck mytits in my pants
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you had me at cake vodka
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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