Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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