I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
