Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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