How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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