She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
