Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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