i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
