ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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