I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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