you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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