I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
