We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
