You work out of a Hotel?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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