look no pants
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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