Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
