This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
