Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
