She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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