the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
