thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
