well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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