I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
