you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
