Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
