That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
