i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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