Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
