I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Randomize
