i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
