omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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