My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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