so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize