I want to make a zoo with you.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
