My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
