Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize