Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
