it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
