I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
