when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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