Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
