I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize