I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
