Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
