I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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