The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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