HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
