Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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