I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
