Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
