just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
