She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
