I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
