i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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