We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
