ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
