I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
