thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
