I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
