I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
