so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You ate ashes out of my bong
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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