There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
