if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
